Fridges..

There is something about a fridge that really unnerves me. The way they just stand there in the corner and wait for you. They are almost sneaky. When you open the fridge door, suddenly the light goes on and you can see what you want. But you know that as soon as the door is closed, the light vanishes and anything could be happening in there.

Now I'm a tall guy, but even just standing next to a fridge makes me nervous. I think that particular qualm is due to a fridge being so incredibly heavy. If it were to tip itself onto you, you would certainly feel it in the morning.

Fridges with those extra compartments for the tiny little freezers are by far the worst. It's almost as though the fridge is evolving, creatively thinking up new designs and new ways to attack or inconvenience their human prey. Before you ask me how they would go about this hunting that I have so fervently claimed, I will tell you that I don't know. But isn't that just as frightening..

I don't know about you, but it seems to me that whenever I retrieve something in the fridge that I had put there earlier, it's never in quite the same position. Sure, to the untrained eye it may seem like it is, but I know better. It's nothing I'd be able to prove, but it's just enough to unsettle me.

And then you hear these horror stories about people getting trapped in fridges. You don't hear that about ovens or microwaves. It seems like fridges are made to be dangerous. Not to mention cold-hearted. I think the very serious question facing our society needs to be addressed: Do we really need fridges at all, if they are going to put our lives at risk of being trapped or, worse, snuck-up on? Ladies and gentlemen, my case is as firm as Alec Baldwin's quiff. This scourge needs to be eradicated immediately!

They do keep my beers cold though..

Toodle-pip,

andrewiconkerr