HELLO!..

In the beginning, if someone was far away and you needed to get a message across, you just shouted at them until they stopped banging rocks together and looked around quizzically. This really started out the process of communication over long distances. Once people had realized that no matter how hard you screamed from London, and however acute her hearing may have been, your aunt in Birmingham still wouldn't hear you, they started looking for new and interesting ways to shout at people and be heard.

So Morse-code and Telegrams were invented. Unless the operator was feeling tetchy this was generally read out in a well-mannered tone, and society felt that the age-old art of shouting was lost. Sir Alexander Graham Bell decided that this wouldn't do, and he came to the rescue by inventing the telephone (allegedly). Soon people all over the world were shouting at one another like in the good, old days. And everyone was feeling better because, let's face it, having a good shout cleanses the lungs and stimulates the anger-glands. And that's always a good thing. But our story takes a dramatic and terrifying twist...

Cellphones.

Email.

These menaces have sprung up and hide themselves under the guise of being "incredibly useful and easily accessible". Ha! They have you duped. Sure, at least with cellphones you have the option of shouting at people, but mostly people just revert to sending sms's. Capslock is not real shouting. And email is even worse! There is absolutely no chance of shouting at someone over email. If you even try, you just sound like a tool.

And so it doesn't look good for world-wide-shout-conservation, and people are becoming quieter and quieter by the day. Soon there will be no shouting at all, and who knows where that will lead! It is estimated that some people will lose their voices completely! Even permanently!!

Here is my suggestion. Instead of talking to people, shout at people. Instead of smsing people, make the extra effort to go over to them and shout in their face. When people ask you questions in an interview, shout them down. They'll thank you in the long run. You have to keep the bigger picture in mind people, but I know we can save this world. Together. Shouting all the way.

I'll be at your house momentarily to shout this blog at you..

TOODLE-PIP!

andrewiconkerr

...But you can call me Fylan..

Hello faithful readers.

I thought that I should let you know that I have started blogging for my friends, The Brothers Streep. In order to keep within the various Streep traditions, on the site I will be referred to as 'Fylan Streep' in light of me being a 'fake Dylan'. If you want to know how I got that name, please feel free to ask me.

So, this isn't a blog for this site, but from now whenever I post a Streep-blog, I will put the link here, as well as my own blogs.

Here is the first: http://www.brothersstreep.com/blog/74/It-could-make-a-grown-man-cry--

Huzzah!

Toodle-pip,

andrewiconkerr

Safe as Horses..

So here we are, the second in a two part bumper-edition blog. I would like to apologise for the delay in writing this second installment, but exams came and went, and now I have some well deserved free time. Back to the confusion, or on with the metaphor..

I was standing in the queue at Spar the other day. This in itself is not a particularly interesting topic, but it does happen to be the same day and queue in which I had the House Music epiphany. After I returned to reality from a brief trip down memory lane (as described in the ThinlySlicedThoughts Bumper Edition Part 1), my eyes headed heavenwards and fell upon a large television hanging from the roof.

What was on it made my blood curdle.

Horse-jumping.

I hate horse-jumping.

I don't think that's even the correct term for it, but I don't care. I think it's a vile "sport" played by posh and pompous "gentle"-people who really have nothing better to do with their time. Every time a horse nears one of those fences, my heart skips a beat.

Question: What is horse-jumping?

Answer: Making a horse run around in a field and force it to try and jump over large, sturdy, brutally tough wooden fences.

Question: What is the easiest way to get a horse to break it's leg?

Answer: Making a horse run around in a field and force it to try and jump over large, sturdy, brutally tough wooden fences.

Question: What do we do with those horses? Do we let them heal so that they can live out their disabled lives happily and peaceful?

Answer. No. We shoot them in the head.

So you now see why I hate this "past-time" so much. It's completely unfair on the horses! Have you ever asked a horse whether they enjoy being made to jump? I have. Their answer was an emphatic "Neigh!". Translation: "No!". They did however answer no to a lot of the questions I asked them. Turns out they are rather negative animals..

Ok, so maybe horses are all suicidal, and maybe this is a good and efficient way for them to end up at the pearly stable. But if we are not careful, and if we don't stop teaching them maths and science, we may end up answering questions with the phrase, "How high? Oh, the height of that fence.."

Toodle-pip

andrewiconkerr