HELLO!..

In the beginning, if someone was far away and you needed to get a message across, you just shouted at them until they stopped banging rocks together and looked around quizzically. This really started out the process of communication over long distances. Once people had realized that no matter how hard you screamed from London, and however acute her hearing may have been, your aunt in Birmingham still wouldn't hear you, they started looking for new and interesting ways to shout at people and be heard.

So Morse-code and Telegrams were invented. Unless the operator was feeling tetchy this was generally read out in a well-mannered tone, and society felt that the age-old art of shouting was lost. Sir Alexander Graham Bell decided that this wouldn't do, and he came to the rescue by inventing the telephone (allegedly). Soon people all over the world were shouting at one another like in the good, old days. And everyone was feeling better because, let's face it, having a good shout cleanses the lungs and stimulates the anger-glands. And that's always a good thing. But our story takes a dramatic and terrifying twist...

Cellphones.

Email.

These menaces have sprung up and hide themselves under the guise of being "incredibly useful and easily accessible". Ha! They have you duped. Sure, at least with cellphones you have the option of shouting at people, but mostly people just revert to sending sms's. Capslock is not real shouting. And email is even worse! There is absolutely no chance of shouting at someone over email. If you even try, you just sound like a tool.

And so it doesn't look good for world-wide-shout-conservation, and people are becoming quieter and quieter by the day. Soon there will be no shouting at all, and who knows where that will lead! It is estimated that some people will lose their voices completely! Even permanently!!

Here is my suggestion. Instead of talking to people, shout at people. Instead of smsing people, make the extra effort to go over to them and shout in their face. When people ask you questions in an interview, shout them down. They'll thank you in the long run. You have to keep the bigger picture in mind people, but I know we can save this world. Together. Shouting all the way.

I'll be at your house momentarily to shout this blog at you..

TOODLE-PIP!

andrewiconkerr